and I have returned

Sorry I havent posted in a couple days. I have been sick and still am but I will be fine I hope. Now back to my story. I left off telling you about when I went into the Air Force with a broken heart from Jason and still with a boyfriend Jamie. I went through Basic Training and didnt get to call home for a little while. It was not the easiest thing but I made it through. I went from Texas to Colorado for my Tech School and loved it there. I came home around Christmas time for my first leave. It was a hard time for me when I came home. I had so much to face and deal with and I was only home for about 10 days. I saw alot of my friends when I came home and of course I saw Jamie and I also got to see Jason. By this time, I had started to drink pretty heavy. We were able to drink at that time at 18. When we were able to go off the base, we would go and drink and almost got a tatoo one time. lol Anyway, I spent alot of my time home with a few people. I wont mention a couple of names but I had a few people upset that other people wanted to spend time with me. One person was alot older than me but there was nothing going on anyway. I will not forget the parties that my brothers and my family had for me while I was home. It was amazing. I saw Jamie almost every day that I was home but only got to see Jason for about have of the days. He didnt know that I was home at first but when he found out, he showed up without me knowing. Boy did he find me pretty drunk. Me and my brother were having a drinking contest, lol. Jason showed up on a snowmobile and it was night time out so not sure what time. I actually got on the snowmobile and went to his house with him. I was so drunk dont remember much of the night. Just laughing alot. By the way, my brother beat me drinking because I had to leave. New Years Eve came around and Jason had asked me to a party. Of course I went. He got stuck in the ditch coming to get me because it was not the greatest weather out but he got me there. I will never forget at midnight it seemed like all my dreams had come true, he kissed me and wouldnt let me go. At least I thought. I was young and saw what I wanted all along was right there. I never did go home that night. Just called my mom to let her know it was nasty outside and I would be home in the morning. Everything was perfect except that I had to leave in 2 days. It was hard the first time leaving but this time was worse. Yes, I had cheated on Jamie and didnt really care. I left and went back to Colorado. I only was there for a short time longer so nothing seemed to matter. While in Tech School I had met this guy and we were together all the time except when we went home. It was hard for me to get my orders but I was off to Louisiana. I couldnt be put in the dorm that I should have been put in so I was put in the SP dorm. Thats were I met my dear friend Velina and I also had met my first husband. Me and Velina became the drinking buddies. Let me tell you it was scary coming home from the bars at night with us plastered. Some nights I couldnt believe we made it home. Within a couple months, I found out I was pregnant. Quite the shocker to say the least. I ended up moving off base with my boyfriend at the time and we got married in July of that year. Come September, 3 am I got woke up by the military police coming to search my house for drugs. Seems that I didnt know him as well as I though and he had done some bad things before I met him and it all caught up to him. Lets just say, I wasnt happy. I didnt leave him but he did get discharged from the service. Patrick came along a little early, he was suppose to be a Christmas baby but I had him on the 13th of December. My husband almost missed it because that was the day he was discharged from the service while I was in the hospital in labor. My parents and sister came to see us at Easter time and it was wonderful. I stayed in for another year and a few months and my dad got sick here in NY so I got out to come back home and be here in case anything happened. It really wasnt too long and my husband couldnt handle living in NY anymore. I will continue more later and let u know what happened after we moved to NY.

In response to Amethysts latest post

When I read your post about the suicide, it reminded me of something that I did not post in my story. Maybe because I hate to remember it. When I was 14, my brothers always played basketball with my cousin next door to us. I remember the day all to well. They played then came home. The next morning, my cousin was found dead out in front of his house under a tree with a gun in his hand. His dad was the one to find him there. He had killed himself. It was over a girl. He had found out that his girlfriend of 2 years was pregnant and she had told him that she was going to have an abortion and he lost it. He left a note and thats how we found out why he did it. He told her that he didnt want that and she did it anyway. He was only around 17. The pain that it all causes is terrible. I feel so bad when I hear about anyone having to deal with it. I know that I personally, not that I like to admit it, but I was pretty close to committing suicide not too long ago. I am very fortunate to have alot of support from friends. Poor Joey listened to me many many nights as did my sister in law. I was even to the point of telling my sister in law that if anything happened to me to make sure that my kids were taken care of because I trust her and my brother that much. I know that alot of people feel that the people that u meet on the internet are just that. I will argue that because I have met some really amazing people that one day I hope to meet.

I need help! POTTY TRAINING ISNT WORKING

OK, SO HERE IS THE ISSUE. MY DAUGHTER IS 2 AND A HALF. I ALMOST HAD HER POTTY TRAINED BEFORE 2 BUT THEN USED PULL UPS AND SHE WANTED DIAPERS BACK. I HAVE TRIED WHAT I FEEL IS EVERYTHING TO GET HER TO USE THE POTTY AND NOTHING HAS WORKED. I NEED SOME SUGGESTIONS. DONT TELL ME TO OFFER HER DONUTS WHICH SHE LOVES IT DIDNT WORK EITHER. LOL HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!

this is a hard one for me for many reasons

I left off telling you that I had joined the Air Force under delayed entry and I had a few other things going on. When I enlisted, I was overweight and was told that I had to lose 20 pounds to even go in. I had almost a year to do that. I had alot of guy friends when I was in school but remember, I also had a boyfriend in another school. I had 2 very good friends that were guys and they were Geoff and Jason. Me and Geoff were like brother and sister pretty much but Jason was another story. I had real strong feelings for him even though I had a boyfriend. He was there for me through everything and I actually believe he was my first love. The problem with that was this. I didnt have a boyfriend when we first became friends but he didnt want a girlfriend. He went away every summer for work and didnt want to leave one behind. He said it wasnt fair to do that to someone. To me, it broke my heart but I did understand that. He wasnt happy when he found out I had a boyfriend and he made it very known. He had to understand my point on it all. He didnt want me so I was going to find someone that did. He usually would somehow show up where I was all the time. Never knew how that happened but it did. He got into a few fights with my boyfriend just because. We ended up getting into a big arguement about it and didnt talk for a short time. I was with my boyfriend for over 2 years except the 1 week when we broke up and it was hell. Jason never really dated anyone in high school and I never understood why until later. When he found out that I had enlisted in the military, it was like I stabbed him. He changed alot. I started having a problem with eating. Yes I ended up with a eating disorder. When they told me I was overweight, it broke my heart. I would eat just fine but then I would make myself sick. In a short 3 months, I had lost 45 pounds and my sister in law caught me. She told my mom and that was it. It was either I stopped myself or the doctors would. Who else to call but Jason and thats what she did. I didnt want him or my boyfriend to know but she let Jason know. It was very strange talking to him about it. It was like he was my shadow after that even though I was still with Jamie, my boyfriend. I remember going to parties with Jason and running into Jamies friends and he would just tell them that they didnt see us there together and if they tell they would get what Jamie got. It was strange. There was not anything at all going on between us but people believed there was. And now the hardest part about this all. The night before I left to go into the military, I had said my goodbyes to Jamie who I was still dating and then Jason came and picked me up. I did not know that there was a going away party for me. The hardest part was when he brought me home. He decided to tell me that he didnt want me to leave. He said it was breaking his heart that I was going to be gone the next day. FINE TIME TO TELL. I cried all night. The next day, off I was to the MEPS center to leave. My friend Beckie wanted to go so bad but my grandmother told her that she couldnt ride out with us. To this day, she dislikes my grandmother for that. Back to Jason, the first time I got to call home while I was in basic training, my brother informed me that Jason was very upset and told him that If I had not gone, they would probably have become brother in laws. Here is a man that I fell in love with and could not have by his choice telling my family he was in love with me. He just waited to long. I am going to end there for now. I am going to let you know what happened when I did come home for the first time. It was not a pretty sight now that I think about it. And I will also let you know what happens with Jamie.

back to my story

When I left off on my story, I had told you about my 2 best friends. All through my teens I kept these 2 friends Beckie and Maria. I lost contact with Maria for awhile when she had moved and we just stopped hanging out . Me and Beckie, lets just say we were like 2 peas in a pod. I had started working on a farm down the road from our house and she would come and visit me while I was there. We didnt stay as close as we were but we were still together often. I worked on the farm from the time I was 13 until I was 15 and then got a job at a pizza shop that we always went to. My mom didnt mind taking me there as long as I gave her gas money when I got paid. I loved working there and met alot of new people. I met my first real boyfriend while I was working there. He was a little younger than me but he became my everything. At that time, what is everything. He went to a different school so that did cause a few issues. My family and friends, none of them liked him at all. And I think that noone liking him made me like him more. My parents wouldnt let me see him much so my boss would cover for me so that I could go and see him while I was working or after I was done. If my mom would call, he would call me and tell me she was on her way and I would get back there before she got there. We had a few bumps in the road with me hearing that he was sleeping with one of my friends and we did break up when I was 17 for a short time. I ended up in a bad situation for myself when that happened. When I was 16 I ended up meeting a guy that had a nice car and was hot in my eyes. I told my parents that we were around the same age so they let me go with him. He decided that he was going to go to the liquor store and then take me to a hotel. Needless to say, I left and he had to pick me up and take me home because I wanted no part of that. After me and the guy that I was dating before broke up I also met a guy who showed me somethings that I never had seen before. He invited me to go to a party with him so I went. I didnt know that it was a drug and keg party. Believe it or not, before that, I had never seen any kind of drug. When my exboyfriend heard about me going somewhere with this guy, he called me for a week. He forgot that I had my senior trip and was in Florida. My mom told me that he called day after day waiting for me to come home. Boy when I got home my mom flipped out on me. Seems that this guy that took me to the party had hickies all over him and my mom thought I did it. WELL it wasnt me. Within 2 weeks the guy was arrested for hiding a runaway and he stabbed a guy in a bar. Me and my ex ended up getting back together and that did not make anyone in my family happy at all. Him and his dad took me to Hershey Park for my graduation and when I got home, all my stuff was packed and put on the porch. My mom was mad because I left the state with him and told me I had to leave. It didnt last long though. My brother put all my stuff in his car and took me somewhere to stay. If they wouldnt let me stay there, he was going to get me an apartment. My mom followed and begged me to come home. During all of this, I had enlisted in the USAF delayed entry so we already knew I was going. And then there was Jason. He is a very touchy subject for me. And I also started having a eating problem I will tell you all about them soon.

the kids of then and now you compare

Explain to me how kids today can say they are bored. When we were younger, I dont remember having even close to what my kids have and I dont remember being bored all the time. I decided to do a little comparing just for the fun of it. Im going to tell you what they have, then I will tell you what I had I think this will be fun.
WHAT THEY HAVE WHAT I HAD

DIGITAL CABLE NOW THATS MAKE SURE THE ANTENNA IS IN
ALOT OF CHANNELS, CANT TELL U THE RIGHT SPOT U MIGHT HAVE
HOW MANY GOT 4 CHANNELS IF U WERE LUCKY

VIDEO GAMES, GAME SYSTEMS I HAVE TO SAY THAT WE GOT OUR
PLAYSTATIONS 1 2 AND 3, GAMEBOYS, ETC FIRST VIDEO GAME SYSTEM 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR FIRE

INTERNET/COMPUTER DID WE EVEN HAVE THEM

SWIMMING POOL NICE POND WAY BACK IN THE
WOODS OR THE SWIMMING HOLES

HOT TUB NICE HOT BATH IF YOUR LUCKY

AMUSEMENT PARKS YEAH RIGHT, I REMEMBER
CLIMBING ON TOP OF THE
GARAGE AND JUMPING INTO
BOXES OF CLOTHES

SNOW DAYS FROM SCHOOL WE COULDNT GET OUT THE
THEY GET THEM FOR NO REASON THE DOOR THE SNOW WAS
SOMETIMES AND HALF DAYS TOO DEEP, WE SHOULD CANCEL
SCHOOL, I DONT THINK WE HAD
HALF DAYS U JUST WENT

FAST FOOD MCDONALDS, BURGERKING ETC GRAB A SANDWICH WE DIDNT
HAVE THEM I DONT THINK

I WILL SAY THAT EVERYONE PROBABLY HAS ALOT MORE, TELL ME SOME THAT COME TO YOUR MIND. I CAN TELL YOU THAT I DID HAVE A 3 WHEELER WHEN I WAS A KID AND MY KIDS DONT HAVE THAT. BUT WE ALSO LIVE IN THE CITY NOW AND WHEN I GREW UP I WAS IN THE COUNTRY, THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO GET ANYWHERE SOMETIMES. ANOTHER THING THAT I DIDNT ADD TO THE LIST BUT WILL PUT HERE IS SCHOOL. MY KIDS GO TO A SCHOOL WITH I CANT EVEN TELL YOU HOW MANY KIDS IN IT. THE GRADUATING CLASSES ARE IN THE HUNDREDS. I WENT TO A SCHOOL THAT WAS UNDER 1000 STUDENTS AND IT WAS K-12 MY GRADUATING CLASS WAS AROUND 46. HOPE U ENJOYED THIS AND REMEMBER IF U COME UP WITH SOME, LET ME KNOW.

sorry I have not posted

I am really sorry I havent had time to post a new blog. My brother in law and his 2 youngest kids were in an accident yesterday and everyone is ok but I got worried. My mom went in for surgery today and my dad just called to let me know that she is out. I feel real bad that I didnt go up there with them. I really should have and I just hope my dad didnt sit there by himself. I have always been the one to be with him when my mom has been sick. He said that she made it through the surgery but dont know how she is doing. Im sure good. Thanks everyone for praying for her surgery to go alright. I also was busy with my future daughter in law yesterday making sure we have her graduation party all planned. Yay, only a couple more weeks and she graduates. I will be back on later to continue with my other story. Have to take chuckie to get his glasses fixed AGAIN!!!!! and have to get groceries.

Off the subject but I have to tell you about my parents

I am kind of going back again. Everytime I get on here to blog again, I have all these thoughts of when I was real young. My parents were high school sweethearts and have been married for, well I cant tell you how many years. I know its been 40 some years. I remember my dad being a very heavy drinker when I was young. There were nights that my mom would have to load all 5 of us kids into a vehicle at anytime of the night to go and pick my dad up from the bar. I also remember the fights between my parents about the drinking. His best friend owned a bar and thats where u would always find him. I could not even tell you how much we were at the bar with him. His friends home was in the back of the bar so when he was drinking, if the bar was open, we were at the house. If they were not opened but we were there, we were given quarters to play games. My dad is the greatest man I think I have ever known. What he did in the past is just that, in the past. He never did alot with us girls but he did with the boys. He worked for the highway department for the whole time that he worked. My dad has been very sick for years and it has made an impact on our lives. He has a very bad heart, diabetes umm, there is not much that he doesnt have wrong with him. He retired from the state around the time he was 40 because of medical reasons. I will explain later the different things in my life that his medical problems have changed. My mom is great. She worked for GE for awhile and a few other places until she got sick. She is a very active part of the town community center where they live. She will do just about anything for you if she can. She has been very sick also. In 1997, my mom had a brain anurism (not sure how its spelled right now) that burst while she was driving. One of my brothers was in the car with her and made her pull over and took over driving and got her to the hospital. I will go into more details about that a little later. She actually is getting ready to go in for surgery for other things on wednesday. My dad and mom have a camp on Lake Ontario and that is pretty much where my dad lives most of the year. They seem to be happy where they are in their lives. Right now they have 17 grandchildren and another one on the way that we just found out about last week. Honestly, there are a few things that I would love to talk about but if my mom ever read this, I think she she would disown me if I went into more detail on somethings. My dads parents both passed away but my moms parents are both alive. My children never really got to know my dads parents but I was super close to both sets of grandparents when I grew up. They somewhat know my moms parents but it is very hard for me to let them see how sick they both have become. I will have to stop for now but you will hear alot more about all of them later on in my story. Everyone pray for my moms surgery on Wednesday to go well. Love u all.

My best friends

When I was around 9 I met a girl who was riding on a bike by my house. I always was told by my parents that I wasnt allowed to hang out with her because her mother thought we were below them. They had alot more than us I guess. Well, I was out walking and noticed that she kept stopping in front of our house and would just watch everything that was going on and then she would get on her bike and ride away. We finally one day decided to talk and I found out that her mom was no longer there and she could be my friend. Honestly to this day, this girl is still one of my best friends. We have gone through alot through all the years. I remember she use to make me watch scary movies and tried to watch porn with me at her house but I wouldnt watch it. lol I would lay hidden under blankets not to see either kind of movie. We only lived a few houses from each other so we were became inseperable. I hated it when she moved away to live with her mom for a couple of years and I only got to see her on the weekends she came to her dads house. We ended up building a tree fort in the woods by her house and that tree fort got us in trouble sometimes. We had our problems with my friends not liking her and hers not liking me but it didnt matter to us. We thought that we were cool because here at 9 or 10 years old, we would go and take cigs from our parents and go to our fort and smoke. I ended up with a crush on one of her cousins which, when we got older I found out why he didnt have one back. Lets just say, I am a girl. I also ended up liking her older brother who was the rebel. He was put away before he was 16 for trouble that he got into. He has been into trouble all through his life and I think he is in jail now. But back to my friend Beckie. She after a few years ended up moving in with her dad and ended up in school with me I think when I was a senior and she was a junior. I am going to hold off going any further with the story of her and me because I missed alot of stuff through all of it. I actually have to back up. After our fire, there was a benefit for my family. They had a chinese auction and I ended up winning a bottle of wine. My mom had a fit because my dad said it was ok for me to take even though I was only like 12 or 13. I think he believed that I wouldnt drink it anyway. Unfortunately, thats when I started to drink. I actually kept the bottle until new years eve. My parents went to her parents house and they let us kids have a party. Lets see, my one brother ended up in bed with one of Beckies friends and I ended up drunk and puking my guts out. My one brothers girlfriend called my parents and ratted us all out so before they got home, Beckie got me into bed with a little garbage can next to me so it looked like I was already sleeping. My brother got busted in bed but Beckie covered for me and my parents never found out until years later. At that time, I got to meet one of my other best friends. When I was in 7th grade a new girl came to my school. We became friends quick. I remember so much about the fun we had when I went to her house or she came to mine. I usually couldnt have anyone over because we were actually in the process of building our house so it was hard to have company. Of course, Maria who is this other friend, and Beckie, they didnt like each other at all. She did not stay in my school for long though, her parents ended up getting divorced and she ended up moving back to the city but we stayed friends and still went to each others houses. I am going to end this part with this....... I am now married to Marias brother Chuck. TO BE CONTINUED.......

The dreams and the fire are they connected?

I was trying to remember what I could from when I was younger and Im not sure what somethings meant that happened but maybe someone else could help me out. When I was younger I always had this dream and until after my daughter Hannah was born, I stopped having the dream. I would dream over and over again that I was being chased by indians outside of our house. It actually started after we had a fire and lost our home back on March 1st,1983. I was sick and so was my sister who at the time was only like 4 and I was 11. We were both at the babysitters and when my brothers got home, they came to get us on the 3-wheelers. I am from the country and back then, it was never a big deal to ride them we just used the back trails. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and my oldest brother was still at school but my other 2 brothers got us. They made sure that there was fire in the stove before they left the house so that it would be warm when we got there. When we got home, the house was already on fire. My parents were both at work and we were all just kids. My older brother went to my uncles house and called the fire company. It took 3 fire companies to come put the fire out. We reloaded our own gunshells so they were going off and noone wanted to go in and put the fire out. By the time they did, we lost everything. Here were my parents working so hard to raise 5 kids and were unable to get insurance on the house to just lose everything. We had nothing left. We ended up staying at my uncles camp for awhile and it was so hard. We would have to ride the 3-wheelers up to my cousins house to go to school everyday had to get water from the pond and use an outhouse. It was ok for us then because we were all safe. After a little while, my grandparents let us stay in their house while they were in Florida and it was amazing at all the help that we got. My dad worked for the state highway department in Herkimer and they did a state wide collection to help us. It was wonderful seeing all the help we did get. My parents had help starting over by having friends help dig a basement and put it up. The problem I have with the whole story is this. I have heard for years that our home was on an indian burial ground. Is it true, I dont know. I have thought for years that maybe it is true and thats why I started having the dreams. I dont know if anyone knows much on this subject but I would love to hear what you think. To this day, very strange things happen in my parents house. Alot of people say they have seen ghost in their home or seen very strange things happen. Feel free to comment with your thoughts. I will try answering anything I can and I will continue this story tomorrow.

A little about me now

For those of you who dont know I will tell you that my name is Marcia Bills. I am married to a wonderful man that I have known for about 26 years. I have 4 children Patrick who is 18, Hannah who is 16, Charles Jr. who just turned 11, and Olivia who is 2. Patrick and Hannah are both from my first husband and Chuckie and Olivia are from my present husband Charles. I have a long story to tell you all about my life. I am right now in the process of trying to find a job. I was injured a few years ago and trying to get back into the workforce is not so easy. I will be putting a few pics up so you all can see my children and to be honest with you, I will put one of the few pics that I do have of me up and it was from my wedding day. I hate cameras.

Hi everyone

Hi everyone and thanks for getting me to come in and start blogging. I am going to be blogging about my life and all the ups and downs that I have had and will have. I am hoping that everyone will follow with my story because I never really realized just how different everyones lives have been until I came and read some of the blogs. I will be adding more stuff and pics on in the next couple days so I hope you all keep reading.