this is a hard one for me for many reasons

I left off telling you that I had joined the Air Force under delayed entry and I had a few other things going on. When I enlisted, I was overweight and was told that I had to lose 20 pounds to even go in. I had almost a year to do that. I had alot of guy friends when I was in school but remember, I also had a boyfriend in another school. I had 2 very good friends that were guys and they were Geoff and Jason. Me and Geoff were like brother and sister pretty much but Jason was another story. I had real strong feelings for him even though I had a boyfriend. He was there for me through everything and I actually believe he was my first love. The problem with that was this. I didnt have a boyfriend when we first became friends but he didnt want a girlfriend. He went away every summer for work and didnt want to leave one behind. He said it wasnt fair to do that to someone. To me, it broke my heart but I did understand that. He wasnt happy when he found out I had a boyfriend and he made it very known. He had to understand my point on it all. He didnt want me so I was going to find someone that did. He usually would somehow show up where I was all the time. Never knew how that happened but it did. He got into a few fights with my boyfriend just because. We ended up getting into a big arguement about it and didnt talk for a short time. I was with my boyfriend for over 2 years except the 1 week when we broke up and it was hell. Jason never really dated anyone in high school and I never understood why until later. When he found out that I had enlisted in the military, it was like I stabbed him. He changed alot. I started having a problem with eating. Yes I ended up with a eating disorder. When they told me I was overweight, it broke my heart. I would eat just fine but then I would make myself sick. In a short 3 months, I had lost 45 pounds and my sister in law caught me. She told my mom and that was it. It was either I stopped myself or the doctors would. Who else to call but Jason and thats what she did. I didnt want him or my boyfriend to know but she let Jason know. It was very strange talking to him about it. It was like he was my shadow after that even though I was still with Jamie, my boyfriend. I remember going to parties with Jason and running into Jamies friends and he would just tell them that they didnt see us there together and if they tell they would get what Jamie got. It was strange. There was not anything at all going on between us but people believed there was. And now the hardest part about this all. The night before I left to go into the military, I had said my goodbyes to Jamie who I was still dating and then Jason came and picked me up. I did not know that there was a going away party for me. The hardest part was when he brought me home. He decided to tell me that he didnt want me to leave. He said it was breaking his heart that I was going to be gone the next day. FINE TIME TO TELL. I cried all night. The next day, off I was to the MEPS center to leave. My friend Beckie wanted to go so bad but my grandmother told her that she couldnt ride out with us. To this day, she dislikes my grandmother for that. Back to Jason, the first time I got to call home while I was in basic training, my brother informed me that Jason was very upset and told him that If I had not gone, they would probably have become brother in laws. Here is a man that I fell in love with and could not have by his choice telling my family he was in love with me. He just waited to long. I am going to end there for now. I am going to let you know what happened when I did come home for the first time. It was not a pretty sight now that I think about it. And I will also let you know what happens with Jamie.